Toxic Positivity: The Downside of Positive Vibes Only
4 Ways to Use Mindfulness to maintain a positive outlook
Lately, there’s been a lot of social media posts, campaigns, apparel, declarations, and commentary that profess the power of positive vibes only. At its core, it aligns with the premise of intentions.
However, exclusively centering your awareness on the frequency of positivity, doesn’t dismiss the prevalence of the lower, more discomforting frequencies that we are subject to experience on a day-to-day basis.
This post will explore the 4 ways we can use mindfulness to maintain a positive outlook when our efforts to remain positive fall by the waist side.
What Is Positive Vibes Only?
In recent years there has been a tremendous push to affirm and profess a positive vibes approach to life. Meaning that each person should essentially only focus on the good in life. The positive vibes-only movement is practically everywhere as this tagline is literally plastered all over social media, t-shirts, and other platforms. Practically everywhere you look there is some mention of keeping to this mantra. At first glance, it appears as a likely approach. However, if you take a moment to dig a little deeper, you will see that we each have a diverse range of experiences on a day-to-day basis. Some of it we can easily qualify as positive others not so much.
Why It Never Works?
Over the course of a day, we can easily have a variety of experiences that can make us feel an extensive range of feelings and emotions, which can range from happiness, sadness, fear, disappointment, and joy within a matter of a few short hours. Just because we elect to solely focus on the good, doesn’t mean that the not-so-great does not occur. This is where the challenge comes in.
Electing to strictly focus on the good, does not erase the unintentional emotional discomfort you experienced in the interim. Theoretically, you can profess and affirm anything you’d like. However, you can not bring something into manifestation unless you actually believe it. Not only must you believe it, but you also have to remain steadfast in your belief.
In actuality, you can recite, affirm, and repeat the “positive vibes only,” mantra until the cows come, but it can not come to fruition until you can truly embody it.
We experience life with our whole selves, meaning we use our five senses, as well as our intuitive guidance to experience it with both our mind and body. Anytime we do not allow experiences to freely flow through our awareness, we internalize and retain the discomfort. As a result, these stored energies have the potential to be triggered anytime you encounter a similar experience.
Any effort to solely focus on the positive, denying the presence of any perceived negative experience, despite any evidence that may affirm otherwise results in cognitive dissonance. Meaning that the body and mind are in conflict. In other words, you cannot embody what your whole self doesn’t believe. Therefore, any effort to remain positive at all costs is futile.
In the case of a broken heart, we internalize and physically experience emotional pain within both our mental and physical heart space. Ask anyone who’s experienced heartbreak and they will tell you at its worst, it can feel as if someone is physically ripping your heart out.
After which, the passage of time may lessen its physical intensity. However, once internalized a mere thought can re-trigger a degree of physical discomfort. In essence, this is the primary reason why the positive vibes-only mantra does not work.
The Dark Side of “Positive Vibes Only”
When I think of “positive vibes only,” I think of rainbows, butterflies, and all of the wonderful possibilities that lie within the unknown. However, professing positive vibes in the midst of evidence that shows otherwise is difficult. I specifically can recall an instance in which I was progressing through the job interviewing process for a position that I really really wanted. In this instance, I had to journey through a long 6 hour day in which I was scheduled to meet with several teams. In fact, this day was so long and drawn out, that it had designated times for breaks as well as a brief lunch.
Regardless of the long, drawn-out day, I was enthusiastic and optimistic about the potential opportunity. Therefore, I was committed to maintaining a positive outlook. Long story short, in my mind the interview marathon couldn’t have gone any better. In just a matter of time, I was sure that I would be receiving communication informing me of the next steps. In the days to weeks that followed, I fought to maintain a positive outlook. Anytime I was met with feelings of doubt, worry, and disappointment, I recited a series of affirmations to keep myself rooted in positive expectancy. Only, as time progressed my awareness gradually began to shift to sheer doubt. Just like that, it became harder and harder to maintain a positive perspective.
Intuitively I knew that this was not going to work out in my favor. All attempts to disavow my inner knowing, and solely focus on positivity was met with extreme resistance. No matter how many times I professed my intention, I believed it less and less. Next thing I knew I found myself fully engulfed in an inner conflict. Here I was fighting with everything in me to remain true to a pipe dream that I had absolutely no faith in. Determined to end this inner conflict, and liberate myself from this self-inflicted torment, I finally decided to follow up.
Before I even drafted the email, I already knew the response. From the moment, I hit send it was just a matter of time before I could finally put my mind at rest. Low and behold, in short order I received a response. Just like I intuitively knew within my heart, I did not get advanced to the next phase. In the hours and days that follow, I proceeded to send myself into a downward spiral of guilt, blame, and a series of what-ifs.
In essence, I proceeded to subject myself to a series of self-critiques mostly blaming myself for over committing to positive vibes only. All and all, I felt quite Shitty. In that instance, I knew without a shadow of a doubt that this mantra wasn’t worth its weight in gold. Trust and believe I was not going to put myself through this again.
The Power of Mindfulness
In life, we experience a plethora of experiences, of which many are quite discomforting and for obvious reasons, we’d rather avoid them. However, the good news is that everything that flows through our awareness is impermanent. Meaning that it’s only temporary. Mindfulness provides us with the space, to accept things just as they present themselves without force or coercion.
Acceptance doesn’t imply that we have to like everything that causes discomfort. It simply means that we have to observe it and allow it to pass without internalizing it. This frees us from embedding it within our minds and bodies as stored pain and trauma.
4 Ways to Use Mindfulness to Maintain a Positive Outlook
1. Pause and Breathe
Whenever you find yourself in a discomforting experience, take a minute to pause and take a few deep cleansing breaths. When we encounter discomfort we tend to tense up and hold our breath. Designating a moment to pause and breathe offers an opportunity to return to us in the present moment.
2. Release the urge to profess “Positive Vibes Only”
This mantra works in complete denial of what is. Whenever you deny what is, it often goes against your intuition. Meaning it will not stick if you can not wholeheartedly believe in it.
3. Lean into Expectancy
We cannot control what we experience. However, we can lean into the expectancy of the potential good that can flow into our experience.
4. Practice Grace
Habits can be hard to dismantle. Therefore, be gracious with yourself and cover yourself with the understanding that it takes patience, practice, and time to shift and form new ones.