I used to think that judgement was something that I could only apply to others and not extend to myself. At least this is one of the first thoughts that would arise, when I first began to try my hand at guided mediations. Whether at the beginning, mid-way, or at the close of guided mediations, releasing judgement was the one of the most common themes that would leave me feeling perplexed.
Judgements prevent us from seeing the good that lies beyond appearances
—Wayne Dyer
Regardless of the platform, facilitator, or individualized style, the ask was always the same to “release the urge to judge anything that passes through your awareness.” Although I didn’t quite know or understand what “releasing judgement,” meant, I gladly obliged.
I have never been one to blindly ascribe to something that doesn’t quite resonate. However, I was quickly forced to sit with the discomfort of stepping outside of my comfort zone to explore the unknown space of self-judgement.
Like most, I am well versed and acquainted when it comes to judging others. From as far back as I can remember, we have always been taught that judgement was not only strictly reserved for others, but adamantly wrong. This notion is further reiterated by the ancient proverb, “ judge lest ye be judged.” In my mind this adage implied, that by judging others you subject yourself to that same degree of scrutiny. But there is no mention of the pitfalls of self-judgement. Or at least, I didn’t necessary make the connection.
A Piping Cup of Savory Hot Tea
The mere thought of having my proverbial cup filled to overflowing with a fresh piping hot pour of savory (gossip) tea had me thirsty for more. Although I knew it was not in my best interest, I often found myself pulled-in despite my best intentions.
To say that I loved it, was a mere understatement. It was almost as if there was an urge that fully captured my attention in a way that I absolutely couldn’t resist. Make no mistake, I knew that every bit of it was wrong.
On one hand, I was keenly aware that I should adamantly steer clear from actively participating in idle gossip. Much like most things that are not ideal, it was easier said than done. Judging others was the one thing that I knew that I had to work on. However, I loved myself and wanted to see myself thrive, so aside from the occasional pity party, why would I consciously subject myself to critical self-judgment. This is the conundrum that left me feeling perplexed.
More importantly, how could I possibly practice releasing judgement, when I had not yet grasped or accepted the fact that I more than likely have been judging myself on a daily basis. Entertaining this possibility was a hard pill to swallow.
The Art and Practice of Releasing Judgement
When it came to observing how I may potentially judge my thoughts, feelings, and actions, I had absolutely no idea where to start. So I dove-in, and researched all I could about mindfulness and self-judgement. The more I researched, the more apparent it became that we are ingrained from an early age to judge our every thought, action, and decision.
From an early age we are taught the differences between right and wrong, as well as the ways in which we should act, respond, and conduct ourselves in a “acceptable manner.” Over time this conditioning creates habit patterns that subconsciously prompt us to judge every thought, action, emotion, and response, to assess whether its aligned with we believe we “should” be doing. Internalizing and judging every thought that crosses our awareness is a daunting task. Not only does it create inner conflict, its also hella stressful.
In order to observe your thoughts, you simply need to disconnect from internalizing, reacting, and responding to every thought that you perceive as bad. Much like the clouds that you view that float across the sky, you should to observe the thoughts as they pass through your awareness. Regardless of its content, just observe and accept them as is, without any effort to try to change it. All the while affirming the declaration, “I am not my thoughts.”
In no time, I quickly came to the realization that not only was I judging others, I was to my surprise, I was exponentially judging myself more, on a daily basis. Practically every one of my thoughts, were subject to some degree of judgement.
Surprisingly, the practice of releasing judgement was easier than I initially thought. It took and to this day continues to take a good deal of effort to resist the urge to not judge the thoughts that arise. Thankfully as the name implies releasing judgment is a mindfulness practice that can be done as often as needed.
Call to Action
Judgement placed on yourself and others is hella stressful. Although we have been ingrained to judge ourselves and others, we don’t have to subject ourselves to its detrimental health affects. If you have not yet began to practice mindfulness, start small.
Design a few minutes a day to sit in the still of uninterrupted silence to observe your thoughts without judgement. Be gracious with yourself, as there is no right are wrong wasy to do it. The key is consistent practice. Give it a try. I would love to hear about your experience in the comments.
So important to release the self-judgement! It's something I still struggle with, but hopefully it becomes easier with practice.