Mindfulness Demystified: The Subtle Art of Releasing the Habit of Judging by Appearances
A 5-Step Process to Break the Habit of Judging By External Appearances
Whether you’re a newbie or an experienced practitioner, everyone, at one point or another, has gotten caught up in the lull of waiting for things to work out exactly as you imagined. Perhaps it may feel as if you’re doing everything you’re supposed to do. From cultivating a vision and setting intentions. Only to come face to face with the likely hood that it will not come to fruition. Much like practically every other area in our live we attentively search high and low and everywhere in between for some tangible sign that our highest intent will come into fruition.
Like so many other things in life, expectancy often overshadows reality when things don’t always exactly work out according to plan. This especially reins true when we spend less than one percent of our time solely focused on our intentions, with the remaining 99% spent lost in wayward thought.
What starts as one seemingly promising feat can quickly shift into a downward spiral of immense frustration, leading us to forget why we even set out to do it in the first place. Of course, mindfulness practice is no different. If this resonates in the least bit, you are not alone. This post will delve into the five steps that support you to release the habit of judging of outward appearances.
The Nature Of Expectations
Many of us are familiar with the adage that a watched pot never boils, but often when it comes to manifesting our intention, we fall prey to doing just that. Much like a child who plants seedlings and anxiously monitors the soil checking for some signs of growth every five to ten minutes, we often follow suit. On any given day and time, how we interact and have our being in the world is governed by unconscious programming. Of which a large number of what we do, is courtesy of the external views, perceptions, and beliefs, that have been impressed upon us. Inevitably, how we were raised, conditioned, and everything else in between has shaped our underlying beliefs. As a collective, we have largely become accustomed to disproportionately relying more on the physical than our intuitive senses as we invariably constantly look for external signs of validation. In other words, if we can’t see, feel, taste, feel, or experience it through our physical senses within a predefined period, we conclude that whatever we intended to bring into manifestation wasn’t meant to be.
When manifesting with intent, we often rely on external context clues to sense whether our not our efforts were in vain. Being that no one wants to spin their proverbial wheels in a never-ending cycle and inevitably get nowhere, we often do everything we possibly can to search for some some sign that affirms that we are in fact on the right track. After all, what else can we possibly do if we can’t rely on external appearances? So glad you asked as, we often fall prey to external appearances, as we endlessly assess and judge any and every piece of physical evidence we can for an ounces of validation.
What Is Releasing Judgment?
With the practice of mindfulness, often comes the instruction to persistently release judgment. However, when it comes to releasing our judgment of the very things that have been ingrained into our psyche, it becomes a little more nuanced. It’s one thing to be more cognizant of how we overly critique and judge ourselves, whereas, it’s a completely different thing to release the very manner in which we use our senses to self-critique the success or lack there of, our manifesting our intentions.
Practically everything we do invariably relies on our physical senses. Math, science, English, and practically every subject, and field imaginable, all rely on the presence of tangible evidence that we can exclusively observe and affirm with our senses.
This is reminiscent of the medical field, in that any and every observation, interaction, or intervention, that is not documented, is presumed undone. Hence, why the tangible evidence of documentation is king, this same logic spans the spectrum across many other fields. From colleges, and universities, to various standardized licensure exams that assess for knowledge and application, it all boils down to external validation. Interestingly mindfulness calls us to release the very habits to that we have become so accustomed. The subtle art of releasing the habit of judging a book by its cover requires persistent concerted effort, this raises an interesting question what does it mean to release the very habits that have become so ingrained with how we interact and have our being in the world?
In our day-to-day actions and interactions, we can set any number of intentions that we are seeking to invite into our experience. At any given time, we plot out a series of events and circumstances that directly highlight how things ideally should unfold in our favor. More often than not, we meticulously curate these events right down to the most minute detail, with time, and scope mapped out in the exact manner in which we envision. The only thing is this vision is solely based on the visible realm. In other words, manifestation is a practice rooted in the invisible realm and not the physical. Likewise, we cannot rely on physical evidence to affirm the success or failure of our intentions.
The practice of manifestation accesses the invisible realm, as setting an intention establishes, and holds the frequency of our wish fulfilled. Despite any and every external appearance that affirms otherwise, we must persistently remain steadfast and hold the vibration that it is already done. The more we hold this frequency without regard to external appearances, the faster we inevitably bring it into physical manifestation. Likewise, form follows consciousness and not the other way around. Shifting and unlearning our default approach is no easy feat, however, with consistent concerted practice, we can actualize our intentions in spite of every piece of tangible, objective evidence that affirms otherwise. When it comes to manifestation we must first make our desired outcome, clear, distinct, and concise, holding on to the frequency that it is already done. The more we hold this energy throughout the day feeling that it’s something that already exists, and not something nothing that you have to aspire. The more you use your imagination to feel into the feeling of all needs met the faster you attract the situations and circumstances that harmonize with your intention, resulting physical manifestation. Much like developing a course, the originating idea to develop a course lives with your minds eye, and one must first tap into the realm of the unseen to bring it from idea to a tangible course. Likewise any and everything we see with our eyes first originated in thought. Therefore looking outside of ourselves for guidance is futile as form ( aka physical manifestation) follows consciousness, and not the other way around.
A 5-Step Process to Breaking the Habit of Judging By Outward Appearances
1. Start Small
As with any new practice, start small. Increase your awareness of the little things as they occur throughout the day, especially when it comes to setting your daily intentions. Notice where you are relentlessly searching for external validation, pause, and redirect your attention.
Like many new practices, release any self-critique as often as need be, and persistently begin again. Celebrate the daily micro joys in the moment as they occur. Don’t deprive yourself by exclusively preserving your joy and happiness for significant wins. Celebrate them all as they arise, from the unexpected joys that come from incredible people, in unexpected ways, at random times, to the small victories that come from practicing gratitude with a degree of consistency.
Start small by journaling at least one that you are grateful for each day. Whether it is being more aware of your unconscious habits and refocusing your attention, or noticing when you are prematurely judging your efforts, and what you can physically observe with your senses, a win is still a win. Remember that small, consistent efforts result in sustainable habits.
2. Release Expectations
Literally and figuratively, seeing is believing. Naturally, we tend to reference all that we have directly or indirectly observed or experienced and attached expectations to our imagined outcome. However, the mindfulness practice of increasing our awareness is an individualized journey; what works for some is not guaranteed to work for all.
So as you increase your awareness of where you are solely overly judging yourself based upon outward appearances, or the beautiful things that are perpetually taking place in your life, release any expectations around how things should look, and how you should respond, and evolve your practice to meet you exactly where you are in your mindfulness journey.
3. Release Guilt
Naturally, there are going to be times when you miss the mark and fall into old habits. However, whenever you experience difficulty, there will likely be times when the totality of your experience feels too overwhelming to find some light at the end of the tunnel. Interestingly in this day and age, we want things to persistently work out in our favor. Whenever we set out to shift old engrained habits, we often unrealistically expect to have absolutely everything figured out as efficiently as possible. Likewise, it took a significant amount of years, and conditioning to get to where we are today. Naturally, we are not going to undo decades of impressions in just a blink of an eye.
Anytime you feel guilt arising, allow grace, and release any feelings of guilt. As with the clouds that float across the sky, any number of things will cross through your awareness that will make you feel guilty. There will be seasons where life is not all rainbows and butterflies as we experience the ebbs and flows of life. Know that it is ok to experience feelings that may not feel comfortable. Permit yourself to release any guilt.
4. Forgive Yourself
Forgiveness is a practice primarily reserved and emphasized as something we should do for others. However, forgiveness first begins with the self. There will be times when the density of life so clouds your vantage point that it may become challenging to not center blame and guilt on oneself.
Know that beyond every experience lies a lesson. As we grow and evolve, we will make mistakes along the way. Release any feelings of guilt, blame, or shame, permit yourself to forgive yourself, and allow yourself to begin again.
5. Begin Again
As with any new practice, there are going to be instances where you fall short. As with everything new and everything else, you will be faced with selecting from two choices. Give up and allow the weight of fear, doubt, worry, and regret, to prevent you from trying again, or you can have grace, practice forgiveness, and begin again.
Know that no matter how well-versed or experienced one may perceive a person to be, there are times when they falter and fall short of attaining their intention. Only the key to successfully practicing gratitude with a degree of consistency is to begin again. No matter how many times you miss the mark, persistently start again.
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