Whether you’re a newbie or an experienced practitioner, everyone, at one point or another, has gotten caught by the frustration that comes with developing an entirely new habit.
Like so many other things in life, expectancy often overshadows reality when thing don’t exactly work out according to plan. Especially when it comes to something that’s unlike anything you’ve done before.
What starts as one seemingly promising easy task can quickly shift into a downward spiral of immense frustration, leading us to forget why we even set out to do it in the first place. Of course, mindfulness practice is no different. If this resonates in the least bit, you are not alone. This post will delve into the four steps that support you in easing mindfulness into your daily routine.
The Nature Of Habits
As with any new practice, anytime you start something new there are going to be some instances where you fall short and miss the mark. In this day and age, we can literally learn anything within a matter of minutes. If you can think about it, and search it, you can learn it. In other words, if you have a good internet connection you can learn to your heart’s content. From building a website, marketing, and writing a book, to practically anything else you can imagine, you can pretty much learn anything by simply looking something up on YouTube. So naturally, we have the same level of expectancy when it comes to forming a new habit. Only when it comes to increasing our awareness of the very ways in which we think and have our being in the world its a little more nuanced.
From the moment we entered into this incarnation through to the present day, we have had habits, routines, and rituals impressed upon us that we have literally carried with us since the very beginning. For instance, take walking, a majority of us learned to walk between the tender young age of one to two, and from the moment we took those first few awkward steps to the present day we are still using this valuable skillset.
Practically every step that we take is building off of the essential skillset that we developed so long ago. Much like walking, just about every other habit that we’ve picked up along the way has stayed with us. So naturally, creating new sustainable practices is going to take a little more than watching a few videos.
Many myself included having gotten caught up in the misconception that if one doesn’t master a habit within whatever preconceived timeframe that they envisioned that it simply isn’t meant to be. Only this quite how the practice works. Unlike typical practices that deal with faculties and functionalities that we can physically experience through our senses, mindfulness primarily deals in the realm of the unseen. No one can peer into you mind to get a Birds Eye view of you thoughts, beliefs, and experiences unless you willfully share.
Likewise when we set out to access the law of attraction to manifest our desires there is no set timeline in which we can expect to reap the rewards of our efforts. In typical human fashion we do what we do best create one best on what will align with our desires. Being that we’ve all grown accustomed to instantaneous results, the moment when things don’t manifest according to our plan we are often quick to conclude that for whatever reason it’s not intended for us. Being that mindfulness deals in the invisible realm, we can not apply the same rules to a practice that functions on a whole other space.
When one sets an intention you must feel into the frequency that your desire is already fulfilled. This practice operates on vibratory frequency, as one must use their imagination to feel into the frequency of the wish fulfilled. Holding and sustaining this vibration despite distractions and physical evidence or the lack thereof, persistently feel into it. Accept and embody it it within your consciousness.
Likewise the the more you hold the frequency the faster it attracts it to manifest in physic form. When we do not fully believe that it is already it our possession, it lowers our vibration delaying from materializing. Hence the reason why we often find ourselves persistently checking our calendar to see if it has yet to arrive.
This is reminiscent of when I was a young child traveling with my family on our long twelve-hour plus road trip down to the south. Unlike today, this was a time when there were not only no cell phones, let alone smartphones, tablets, or in-vehicle technology systems for videos. It was just me, and whatever other form of entertainment I brought with me, and being an only child, I was left to entertain myself by looking out the window and plotting out my next opportunity to stop and stretch my legs.
Riding in a car where there were no reliably good radio stations, and with streaming platforms 20 + years away, I was literally and figuratively asking every chance I could, “are we there yet.” Practically every time, it crossed my mind that yet another hour had gone by, yet here I was in what seemed like the same place I was an hour before, in the car. No words can quite capture how much I longed for us to arrive at our destination. Much like our younger selves seeking to will our way to develop a habit, our present-day selves are not much different.
What Is Persistence?
Persistence is the equivalent faith in that it as “the substance of things hoped for and the evidence of things not yet seen.” It is rooted in continuing to remain steadfast in something that has not yet materialized. When it comes to mindfulness, one can have the best intentions to reside in the present moment. However, distractions take many forms to deter us. If it succeeds we are often left to constantly look any and everywhere for signs of our fulfilled desires. Much like the law of attraction, habits operate in a similar fashion through repetition. When it comes to mindfulness practices one can’t just practice observing their thoughts and holding the high vibration of their intention for such an infinitesimally small portion of the day, and have it materialize.
In this technologically advanced day and age, we are continually bombarded with noise and distractions that persistently vie for our time, energy, and attention. From the ongoing obligations and responsibilities of adult life to the perpetual challenges to find some semblance of work-life balance, we collectively invest an excessive amount of time, effort, and energy into staying connected and accessible with all that’s constantly going on in the endless information cycle.
In all honesty, it is beyond exhausting to multitask and juggle multiple competing priorities. Every sense of multitasking outwardly presents itself as an effective measure of productivity. However, dispersing our attention in numerous different directions mainly relies on repetition and muscle memory and less on the presence and single-focused awareness as it doesn’t lend us to be present to all that presently happens on a moment-to-moment basis.
The more we repeat select actions, the more it creates hardwired habit patterns that enable us to recycle delicate tasks at will, with little to no thought or conscious effort. Only somewhere along the lines, we each have concocted a series of preconceived notions that puts a timeline on when we should have achieved our end goal, and when it doesn’t pan out as intended, we often regulate that it isn’t meant to be. In the case of mindfulness, it’s straightforward to arrive at this conclusion. Unlike most new things, one can invest a moderate degree of effort and yield its reward. Mindfulness is a little more nuanced as it requires a consistent, concerted effort in practically every wakeful moment of the day without fail. In every sense of the word, consistency is critical.
Developing a mindfulness practice is no small feat, as it calls for us to hone our awareness around every part of our being consistent. Naturally, there are going to be some missteps along the way. Only there is no one way to develop a practice. Thankfully there are no right or wrong answers; just practice, practice, practice. Anytime you miss the mark, perpetually begin again and again, as persistence is the only destination.
A 4-Step Process to Making Mindfulness A Habit
1. Start Small
As with any new practice, start small. Increase your awareness of the little things as they occur throughout the day. Celebrate the daily micro joys at the moment as they occur. Don’t deprive yourself by exclusively preserving your joy and happiness for significant wins. Celebrate them all as they arise, from the unexpected joys that come from incredible people, in unexpected ways, at random times, to the small victories that come from practicing gratitude with a degree of consistency.
Start small by journaling at least one that you are grateful for each day. Remember that small, consistent efforts result in sustainable habits. In time you will likely find it nearly impossible to list one thing. As you put pen to paper or fingers on the keypad, you likely will find yourself rattling off far more than a few things.
2. Release Expectations
Literally and figuratively, seeing is believing. Naturally, we tend to reference all that we have directly or indirectly observed or experienced and attached expectations to our imagined outcome. However, the mindfulness practice of gratitude is an individualized journey; what works for some is not guaranteed to work for all.
So as you increase your awareness of the beautiful things that are perpetually taking place in your life, release any expectations around what it should look like. Evolve your practice to meet you exactly where you are in your mindfulness journey.
3. Release Guilt
Naturally, there are countless things that you can recount for which you are grateful. However, whenever you experience difficulty, there will likely be times when the totality of your experience feels too overwhelming to find something to be thankful for. As with most things that misalign with what we believe we should feel, guilt is likely to follow.
Anytime you feel guilt arising, allow grace, and release any feelings of guilt. As with the clouds that float across the sky, any number of things will cross through our awareness that can make you feel guilty. There will be seasons where life is not all rainbows and butterflies as we experience the ebbs and flows of life. Know that it is ok to experience feelings that may not feel comfortable. Permit yourself to release any guilt.
4. Forgive Yourself
Forgiveness is a practice primarily reserved and emphasized as something we should do for others. However, forgiveness first begins with the self. There will be times when the density of life so clouds your vantage point that it may become challenging to not center blame and guilt on oneself.
Know that beyond every experience lies a lesson. As we grow and evolve, we will make mistakes along the way. Release any feelings of guilt, blame, or shame, permit yourself to forgive yourself, and allow yourself to begin again.
5. Begin Again
As with any new practice, there are going to be instances where you fall short. As with everything new and everything else, you will be faced with selecting from two choices. Give up and allow the weight of fear, doubt, worry, and regret, to prevent you from trying again, or you can have grace, practice forgiveness, and begin again.
Know that no matter how well-versed or experienced one may perceive a person to be, there are times when they falter and fall short of attaining their intention. Only the key to successfully practicing gratitude with a degree of consistency is to begin again. No matter how many times you miss the mark, persistently start again.
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