Demystifying Mindfulness: How to Practice Letting Go when it feels impossible to do?
How to Practice Letting Go in Four Simple Steps
Have you ever wondered why something that theoretically seems so easy can feel so incredibly hard to practice?
Perhaps you have the best of intentions to develop a consistent practice, in spite of your current challenges. Only to resist the very practice that you are seeking to embrace. Thereby, making the practice of letting go, that much more difficult.
Whatever the case may be, know that you are not alone. The good news is that resistance and letting go can coexist at the same time. This post will outline 4 ways to practice letting go when it feels dam near impossible.
Practice Misconceptions
There’s this widely held notion that letting go is an all-or-nothing practice. In essence, one must essentially do everything in their power in an attempt to “fix,” things on their own before even thinking about letting anything go. In many ways, it’s as if, letting go is a cardinal sign of weakness. Most often, when it comes to doing anything that requires us to release any felt sense of control, we must first believe that we have done everything in our power to resolve what troubles us on our own. In other words, it is only done as a last ditch effort when all else has failed.
Contrary to popular belief, we have very little to no control over anyone aside from ourselves. In our day-to-day lives, we encounter any number of situations and circumstances that are beyond the realm of our control. On any given day and time, we may experience things that we would rather never encounter in a million years. More often than not, we respond to these incidences by holding on to them for dear life, often replaying them within a perpetual loop within our mind, unduly subjecting ourselves to relive these events over and over again. This can make us feel stressed beyond reproach, regulating us to the chronic effects of persistent stress.
As with most things, when it comes to doing the very things that seem straightforward and easy there always seems to be an inner dialogue rationalizing that it couldn’t possibly be as easy as it seems. Well, the good news is, that it is as simple as releasing all efforts that are in resistance to what is. Thankfully, it doesn’t require that we exhaust ourselves prior to engaging in the practice.
Truth is if we waited until we had our preverbal sh** in order before we practiced mindfulness, there would never be a right time. In fact, very few would literally and figuratively be in a place to practice letting go.
What Is Letting Go?
The practice of letting go is rooted in releasing any and all resistance to what is, and not the sum of whether we have exhausted all other options. Letting go is not the last resort, it is a practice of observing the spaces where we encounter resistance in our lives. So this raises a very important question, how do you know when and if you encounter resistance? So glad you asked.
We’ve all encountered instances where we’ve met people for the very first time and felt a sense of ease, flow, and comfort. On a deeper level, they were able to make an indelible impression in such a relatively short period of time that it likely felt as if you’ve known them all your life. Whereas, resistance causes every other energetically charged emotion to arise with a felt sense of intense struggle.
Imagine falling in love with someone who sets your preverbal world on fire, and for literally months on end, you easily fall head over heels in love, finding yourself figuratively floating on cloud nine with no end in sight. Until one day you come face to face with the reality that practically everything you were led to believe was a lie. Determined to work things out and persevere, you fight to work things out overlooking some of the most blatant red flags. Only to be brought face to face with infidelity and every other disheartening emotion that you could possibly experience.
With everything in you, you exhaust yourself to go beyond the heartache, pain, and suffering to maintain some semblance of contentment. Despite all that you encounter you continue to fight any and all resistance tooth and nail, until out of sheer exhaustion, you relent, opening yourself to the practice of letting go for the sheer fact that you have absolutely nothing left to give.
Nothing outside of us is going to be the source of our safety, security, happiness, or worthiness. It has to be something that is restored within ourselves.
-Gabby Bernstein
You are a divine light being, with the ability to think, and function independent of circumstances. Remember you are far greater than any unfavorable circumstances or limitations that you may experience. As spiritual beings having a human incarnation, we each are empowered with the foresight to see beyond our current circumstances. You are not your perceived problems, struggles, or any other low vibrational frequency that subjects you to relinquish your power. Having difficulty practicing letting go doesn’t mean you shouldn’t practice, it just calls you to revisit your approach.
Practicing Letting Go in Four Simple Steps
1. Start Small
As with any new practice, start small. Increase your awareness of any resistance that arises in any area of your life. Don’t deprive yourself by trying to tackle old habits all at once. Observe resistance as it occurs, acknowledge it, and practice releasing all effort to resist what is. Celebrate the small wins that come from practicing letting go with a degree of consistency, one win at a time.
Start small, journaling at least one thing that you recognized resistance to, and consciously let go each day. Remember that small consistent efforts result in sustainable habits. In time you will likely find that it is nearly impossible to just list one thing. As you put pen to paper or fingers on the keypad, you more than likely will find yourself rattling off far more than a few things.
2. Release Expectations
Literally and figuratively seeing is believing. Naturally, we have a tendency to reference all that we have directly or indirectly observed or experienced and attached expectations to our imagined outcome. However, the mindfulness practice of letting go is an individualized journey, and what works for some is not guaranteed to work for all.
So as you increase your awareness of the places in your life where you may be resisting what is, release expectations around what it should look like. Simply evolve your practice to meet you exactly where you are in your mindfulness journey.
3. Release Any Guilt
Naturally, there are countless things that you can release. However, whenever you experience difficulty there will likely be times when the totality of your experience feels too overwhelming to find an ounce of mental fortitude to engage in the practice. As with most things that misalign with what we believe we should feel, guilt is likely sure to follow.
Anytime you feel guilt arising, allow grace, and release any feelings of guilt. As with the clouds that float across the sky, any number of things will cross through your awareness that can make you feel guilty. There will be seasons where life is not all rainbows and butterflies as we experience the ebbs and flows of life. Know that is ok to miss the mark and experience feelings that may not feel comfortable. Grant yourself permission to release any guilt, as many times as need be, and know that this is exactly why it’s a practice.
4. Forgive Yourself
Forgiveness is a practice that is largely reserved and emphasized as something that we should do for others. However, forgiveness first begins with the self. There are going to be times when your vantage point is so clouded by the density of life that it may become challenging to not center blame and guilt on oneself.
Know that beyond every experience, lies a lesson. As we grow and evolve we are going to make mistakes along the way. Release any feelings of guilt, blame, or shame, grant yourself permission to forgive yourself, and allow yourself to begin again.
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