Have you ever operated from the notion that things had to be dam near perfect before you could act?
We all are familiar with the old adage that nobody’s perfect. Likewise, persistently striving for perfection is futile. However, we all pursue it to some degree at the expense of our mental health and well-being.
Sound familiar?
The Pitfalls of Perfectionism
Unbeknownst to me, this was me until very recently. Although, I didn’t consciously self-identify as a perfectionist, I did check all of the boxes. Despite its obvious connotation, my intention was not to eliminate imperfections. It was however, to be as readily prepared as humanly possible to handle any and everything that could potentially derail my efforts. This approach was my mantra, for everything. Being that my career is rooted in clinical research, I was no stranger to doing my due-diligence.
Just as soon as I conjured up a plan, and was locked and loaded on my intended focus, it was game-on, and I was off to the races. Taking a deep-dive, researching every bit of information on the topic that I could get my hands on. By research, I’m not just talking about doing a quick google search that merely stops at the first page. I’m referring to an in-depth search that extends beyond basic search and into scholarly articles, scientific publications, books, and resources, as well as practically every applicable case study I could get my hands on.
Like practically everyone who sets out to achieve a particular goal, I simply wanted to learn as much as I could from others journeys mis-steps, successes, and all, so that I could “get it right,” and succeed.
“Perfectionism and procrastination have such a fine line. You say, “Well I want it to be good. I want to be perfect.” But what you’re really doing is not doing your work. You’re putting off showing up and being visible because then you’re going to be judged, and it might suck.”
-Jen Sincero
Hindsight is 20/20
In my minds eye, this approach provided me with a roadmap that clearly outlined all of the potential pitfalls, to better equip me to identify and handle any possible outcome that could potentially threaten to derail my progress. Ironically, just because one person or group of individuals follows a particular path does not mean that another can “copy and paste,” that same approach and yield the same results.
I often got so caught up into planning for what could possibly go wrong, that I would forget to live, and use what was unfolding in the moment to forge my individual path. In fact, I was so busy checking off all of the boxes on my meticulously curated list, that I forgot to pause, breathe, and allow space for things to unfold in my favor.
In the midst of all of this presumptive planning, I forgot to account for a very important factor that lies completely outside of everyone’s control, the unpredictability of “life.” Sometimes life comes at you fast, in a series of unpredictable events, that are sure to affect you in some way shape or form, rendering any attempts to to control every confounding variable, futile.
Acceptance is the First Step to Invoking Change
As outlandish as this may seem this approach soon evolved into my norm. Here I was, caught up in a perpetual cycle of non-productivity, constantly striving, and investing more energy into getting ready, than actually pulling the trigger to do the work. No matter how I reframed it to make myself feel more comfortable, at my core I knew I was just relentlessly spinning my wheels out of fear of the unknown.
If doing too much was a person, I was definitely the poster child. In hindsight, it was almost as if I had resigned myself to follow this long drawn out, outrageous process out of sheer fear. Only in my minds eye I viewed this cycle of meticulous curated almost borderline obsessive steps as being conscientious. After all can you ever be too prepared. Short answer, absolutely.
Unbeknownst to me, by forcing and manipulating things to happen, I was blocking the very intention that I was seeking to manifest. Although my highest intent, was to aid in its manifestation, my efforts had the exact opposite affect. Make no mistakes, the universe has all power and does not require our assistance. Over time, this process created a vicious cycle that became so exhausting, that it continually left me questioning the very reasons why I ever believed that I could do it in the first place. Then almost instantaneously fear, doubt, worry, and apprehension, crept-in, disconnecting me from very inspiration that sparked this venture.
Have you ever woken up to the realization that you didn’t know how you arrived at your current space?
Well. This was my reality on several occasions..
Overwhelmed, dazed and befuddled, I was figuratively immobilized with fear. Not just any fear, fear of failure, fear disappointment, and most of all fear of success. I was beyond dejected and disappointed. Most of all, I was at a loss. If being overly prepared wasn’t enough, what more could I do. Just as one question would arise, several more would come up, leaving me yet again, with more questions than answers. Despite my many mis-steps, I relentlessly pursued this quest for perfection to no avail, until very recently.
“At its root, perfectionism isn’t really about a deep love of being meticulous. Its about fear. Fear of making a mistake. Fear of disappointing others. Fear of failure. Fear of success.”
—Michael Law
Mindfulness: The Practice of Non-Attachment to Outcome
Non-attachment calls for us to free ourselves from being attached to a particular outcome. When we set an intention, it is pertinent that we invest our awareness and energy into visualizing ourselves already possessing the very thing that we seek. Therefore, if we already possess it in consciousness there is no need to force or manipulate it to come into fruition. This realization was a game changer. By consciously shifting my efforts away from forcibly striving, I was not only conserving my mental health and wellness, but allowing space for the universe to allow it manifest within Divine timing.
I just needed to do the work of trusting and leaning into the affirmation that everything was working together for my good. Whenever my awareness would drift and fear, doubt, and worry would creep in, I paused…., taking several deep cleansing breaths, and redirected my attention onto my intention. Rinse, recycle, and repeat. I cycled through this process as many times as need be, all the while, leaning into the feeling of it already being in my possession. Mindfulness practice is simple but it is not easy, this is exactly why its a practice. And for this I’m truly grateful.
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